I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
