I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
