I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
