I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
