Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
