I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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