party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
