I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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