girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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