Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
why do cheetos always look like penises
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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