Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
