Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
