I intend to get homeless drunk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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