they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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