Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
