The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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