I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
