Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
