Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
