is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
