Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
