my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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