Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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