You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
