So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize