it's like iHOP with fire
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
