They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she peed on how many people?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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