we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
