Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Your face is a jimmy john
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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