cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
