yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
