I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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