you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
