do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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