I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I looked at my own cervix.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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