he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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