why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
