it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
