best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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