I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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