All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
