I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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