Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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