The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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