I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
