I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
two words...techno handjob
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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