the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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