now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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