When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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