I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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