I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
