he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
