haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
