Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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