so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
