Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
