My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
