I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
