i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My pussy is not your playground.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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