Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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