Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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