Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
