So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
