my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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