Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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