I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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