I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
