i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
