shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
