$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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