Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
