You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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