It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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