So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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