my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
