last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
