Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
