dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
