I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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