people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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